In archery, a stabiliser is a general term for various types of weights, usually on rods, mounted on the bow to increase stability i.e. lessen movement on release, thereby increasing precision. Stabilisers help reduce inconsistency in the archer’s release by increasing the moment of inertia of the bow. If the shooting technique of the archer were perfect, no stabilisers would be required. (Wikipedia)
On many occasions, compassion is pictured to be a kind act, expressed to a stranger. Alms given to those outside our circle and heart of hearts. I want to make a case for compassion for those closest to us who at times, ironically, get the dregs of our service and love.
After fifth year I packed for home for a well-deserved break after a harrowing end of year season. Harrowing is an exaggeration, busy is a better word. I had been away from home for a record eight months. During this time I kept regular contact with my folks by phone. I, however, had never been away for such lengths of time and this was new.
As the days grew on me at home, however, I started to notice things. Subtle things. Things that troubled me. See, my parents are almost empty nesters. They have an independence that age and practice has drilled into them. However, I saw through the strength. Beneath the perfection lay perplexities no one spoke about.
My mother’s health and frequent illness worried me, my father’s advancing age and obvious loss of youthful strength too. My mother’s business had a few issues that troubled her and myself alike. Family upsets and tensions were all too clear to see no matter how well tucked away. Disappointments, pains, anxieties, fears were all there to be seen by a keen eye, a present eye, a pair of eyes in the house at home not in college in Nairobi.
It dawned on me that much of these minute things had never been communicated to me over the phone. Most likely they never would had I not seen them. Some seemed even trivial to the parties concerned. In a frenzy of fears and anxiety I re-stragized my prayers. They became more fervent, more particular, more pointed and focused. This is in comparison to the more generalized and less acute ones I prayed weekly for my parents whilst in school. A shift from the whispers in the morning for their faith, marriage, finances, health and life. To more specific ones like prayers for a supply of needed supplements and drugs, for peace of mind, for more customers and success in business, for laughter, for ease of temper. God is faithful and He answered these and more.
I adjusted many of my life plans and goals in light of these things. I served my folks with a much more gentle hand and more vigor. I woke earlier to open the gate for dad which he usually opened for himself, carried heavy stuff for him more. I prayed out loud with mom more frequently and shared the word more eagerly. I cooked spaghetti for dad more which he likes and cleaned the house more. Re-organized the house and cared for cattle. Chatted with both more and above all prayed for them more.
The importance of proximity in service to those we love was not lost to me then and it is not lost to me now. Many times we need to get close to our loved ones to actually serve them well. The practicality of compassion demands we serve people as they would desire to be served. As they need to be served rather than how we presume they desire service.
A good father never gives snakes to a fish desiring child. A good friend never buys gifts at the expense of quality time to a friend who prefers or needs the latter more. A present loving husband would be caught dead before he was found giving daisies to a wife who preferred roses. Practical and useful compassion is that which is well informed.
If the shooting technique of the archer were perfect, no stabilisers would be required. However, perfection in archery as in compassion is a product of constant practice. One perfects the art over time. Extending compassion to our loved ones requires that we know them. To be as close as we can to them. This requires repeated and intentional effort.
Sit with that friend more and hear him out. Read in between the line and serve him where he needs to be served. Call that relative and have casual conversations more. Visit more, call more and contact more! In these you will hear a need and meet those you can. Pray indeed for all your beloved pals and loved ones as you see and hear their need.
Make contact, keep the contact. A well informed you is a better servant. Work with data not theories. Do not make assumptions, seek clarification! Keep the interest, needs do not end, you may save someone! Get your stabiliser on and your compassion will hit the bull’s eye!
KAMAU NDICHU