“The more we undress emotionally, the easier it is to do so physically”
Oftentimes we grow up learning about sexual purity, but we neglect a lifelong pursuit of emotional purity in our conversations and relationships with others.Ā By definition, emotional purity is the art of cultivating authenticity and integrity in conversations with the intention of guarding our hearts from defrauding relationships (A defrauding relationship is one that deceives, seemingly offering something that one cannot or will not be able to give).
Have you ever gone back to your room/ house feeling as though you ‘shared too much?’ Or rather, have you ever felt as though you were too vulnerable to a person you’re unsure about, and they misunderstood your intentions? Have you found yourself wondering what term to describe a relationship with a brother or sister in Christ? Or rather, felt agitated that your friend is spending more time with another brother or sister in the Church?
If yes to either of the questions, it is possible that you have developed an emotional tie with them which fails to align to their level of commitment. Let’s consider a real-life story.
Jerry and Isolde are sitting alone on a moonlit bench. Their friends have already left after their Bible Study Discussion and Fellowship. During the group session, they had started a conversation about the past hurts and areas where one would need to exercise forgiveness in alignment with their Bible Study focus. Jerry brings back the conversation they were having with the group. Jerry asks Isolde thoughtful questions which makes Isolde open up more and more. Isolde feels more comfortable and at ease with him, so she shares more details concerning her past. Isolde shares how she misses her late dad and how she craves fatherly love. Jerry also shares how hard it has been for him to deal with his parents’ divorce. As they depart for the night, Jerry gives Isolde a supportive arm-hug and thanks her for sharing. As Isolde goes to her room, she feels cared for and closer to Jerry than anyone else in their group. Jerry leaves feeling a bit awkward for their level of vulnerability to each other and wonders why his girlfriend, Eilish, had left the bench early in the evening. He wishes he had more time to talk to Eilish.
The few minutes of conversation between Jerry and Isolde involved an emotional exchange that makes both of them vulnerable to each other. One would wonder how Isolde would feel when Jerry spends more time with Eilish. Sherry Graf says, “the more we undress emotionally, the easier it is to undress physically.” The more we entangle emotionally, the harder it is for us to stay sexually pure. Harder still it is for us to pursue healthy and satisfactory relationships with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Intentional guarding of each other’s hearts as we converse with same and opposite sex is critical.
Proverbs 4:23 says,
Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.
Hope is not lost if you have gone through all these stages of emotional impurity, defrauding relationships, and sexual impurity. Psalm 51:10 says, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” God is ready to embrace us and renew our relationships with others. We ought to run back to Him and trust His ability to work in us to produce what He desires. Constantly and continuously seeking a firm and growing relationship with Christ enables us to receive emotional wellbeing – as a full package – from the One who eternally loves and cares for us.
A reference text:“I DON’T GET YOU: A Guide to Healthy Conversations.” by Sherry Graf.
āš» Grace Mwangi ā”