DECEMBER 25, 2024.
It’s our usual family Christmas celebrations, and as a family tradition, we go out to celebrate not just Christ’s birth, but to bond as a family. Except this time, things are different. My dearest mom isn’t at her usual strength. “Nowadays I feel very tired,” she retorts. A statement that had become a little too common nowadays, that we stopped taking it as a running joke. My grandmother, out of concern, asks her to not go to “ushago” because, as she succinctly put it, “You have spent a lot of time and your life taking care of people. Now you need to take care of you.” “All she needs is rest and she will be fine. Besides, she has been a pillar for this entire family. This is a minor setback. She will recover in Jesus’ name.” But little did we know**;**
Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways,” declares the Lord. [9] “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
MARCH 4, 2025.
After a long, arduous battle with her health and countless unsuccessful treatments with pneumonia, we finally get a breakthrough, or so we think. There, in our midst, is a chest X-ray that shows tuberculosis. At that time, Mama, the attending physician and I discuss the situation and prognosis. We decide to wait for a consultant review, but as it stands, there is hope and direction. Plus, from her imaging, the disease didn’t look like it was extremely severe. My mom, radiant in her expression and in the hope that now with a diagnosis in mind, recovery is on sight, I visit her, concerned about her well-being but jubilant in the fact that God has made her disease known. But again, little did we know**;**
Romans 11:33-36 NIV
[33] Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! [34] “Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?” [35] “Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them?” [36] For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.
In the midst of her journey, we see her first get better. And just when we thought that God will pull her through the way we would’ve loved, she plummets again. This time, the way is no longer up; it’s down. Through all this, she becomes anxious. Anxious about our futures. Anxious about her recovery. Asking God questions. Anxious about the fact that sleep has deserted her. It is at this point that I dare I say I hated being a medical student. Not because I don’t believe that God wants to use this platform for his glory. No. But rather because of the fact that it has come with a price: I cannot be fully present for the woman who has traversed the gates of hell (Yes this is not a hyperbolic statement. She had up until that time gone through the deepest valleys of Hades just for me). Even more ironically, her disease is ravaging her at a time I am in Pediatrics—a specialty I love and would love to specialize in. But something in my heart changes amidst all this. I am no longer just praying for her healing. If I’m being very real with you, I am not even putting it as my number one priority. I pray this with her every time she calls me to pray, “Father, remind her always that you are here, even in her sickness. No matter the outcome. Let anything else fail. But not the assurance of the hope she has in you.” An approach that surprises even me. “Holy Spirit, don’t you know that I love my mom? I want her to get better. Why are you pulling me away from praying for that?” My mom even notes this and asks me why I take that approach when praying for her. But how can I tell my own mother, my first and lasting love, that God wants me to prioritize the assurance of her presence over her own pain which is dire? Where do I even begin? And as such, even my heart grows cold towards God. I go numb. I start living through the motions of life, as if to prove the point: “God, you don’t want to heal my mom? Fine. Just know you and I are done this time for good.” But God**;**
2 Timothy 2:10-13 NIV
[10] Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory. [11] Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him; [12] if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us; [13] if we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself.
I definitely did not keep the end of my bargain in verse 10-12. But verse 13? God showed off and he did so properly.
JUNE 6, 2025.
My mom leaves the house for a routine TB medication drug fill. “My chest keeps hurting and I don’t even know why,” she keeps retorting in concern. “It’s probably just growing pains from the TB healing process,” I say, because what else could it be? It’s supposed to be routine, they say, until her SpO2 is found to be 79 percent. Alarming for an adult. I get an urgent phone call to see her at Mater Hospital. She is my mom of course, I’d drop anything for her. What follows is a series of tests and the admission process. The results come out. Everything is just as I thought, except I see two things: cardiomegaly and a massive clot on her lung. I try to keep a bland face, but who am I fooling? My mom picks up on it. “Don’t you worry, God is in control,” I say to her while I go out to put a rush on the CT scan as now we are no longer dealing with TB. We are dealing with a pulmonary embolism which we all know is a ticking time bomb. The doctor and I discuss her case and things look promising. I even take a chat with my mom at 3:36 a.m. as she waits for the CT contrast to be done so she can have the scan. I even visit her the next afternoon and she is at her brightest. “God is good. This is the best I’ve felt in a long time,” she says to me. We have our usual long chats as we have grown accustomed to in my adulthood. If only we knew**;**
James 4:13-14 NIV
[13] Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” [14] Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
JUNE 7, 2025.
It’s 6 a.m. and I receive a strange call. Being one who is not a fan of morning calls, this irritates me. “Why would anyone not my mom’s, brother, future partner or children call me at 6 a.m. unless it’s urgent??” I pick up anyways as I say to myself, “Who knows? The said person may need someone and this may be their chance to see and know the Lord through me.” The call I get is chilling. My mom crashed and is in the ICU. My heart sinks but I remind myself, it is well. I see her in hospital, careful to not show my brother as I don’t know how he will take seeing my mom on tubes and ventilators. And there in my eyes at 2 p.m. I see her, the once pillar of the family, healthiest of us all, helpless. Tears well down my face, but I remind myself of who is in charge. As if knowing I am there she signals to me with her now frail fingers. I come close to her and she opens her eyes. Visibly anxious, but hopeful now that she has seen me. “Mama, you and I are together in this. At no point are you dealing with this alone. Where you go so will I even to your tombstone. Everyone else may get tired and leave but even if I am hanging with you by a thread, it will be your thread. I love you Mama. Always have and always will.” She calms down, as if assured by my words. I hold her hand and walk out, unable to contain the heaviness in my heart anymore and not wanting her to see me break because what is she supposed to do when I do break
Psalms 13:1-6 NIV
[1] How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? [2] How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? [3] Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, [4] and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. [5] But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. [6] I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.
JUNE 8, 2025.
I wake up to no morning calls from the hospital. A relief if you ask me. “She must be getting better,” I say. I pray with my family, enthusiastic that I am walking into the platform of victory God has chosen for my dearest Mama. And victory it was, just not the perspective I thought. I walk into the hospital and everyone is distraught. I ask questions but no doctor seems to want to give me answers. I probe and probe to no success. I see a resuscitation tray being rushed to her room. That’s when I knew things were bad. I force my way in, hospital regulations or not. I am warned of the repercussions but I make my stance clear: I made a promise to my mom. Till death do us part. So unless you’re planning to kill me, I am not leaving this room no matter the outcome. I am seeing this through with her to the end. Resuscitation attempt one, she revives from her cardiac arrest. But she is weaker. Attempt two, even worse. A central line is put hopefully to bypass the adrenaline administration directly to her heart, she is frail. It is at this moment I walk up to her and tell her, “Mama. I know you have so much you want to do and so much you want to see in our lives, Timothy and I. But God has other plans. Please Mama, rest. You have done your bit. You have fought the good fight. Allow the Lord to take you in peace. I will never forget you. And if God wills and the world knows my name, it will have two people next to it: God and you.” She gives me one last look, as if to remind me of how proud she has always been of me (Not to say she never told me; that she did, a lot and I am grateful I got to have a mom that was her) and she breathes her last. I kneel beside her lifeless body, unable to hold myself anymore. The doctors look on, shattered and heartbroken by the events. But in the midst of it all, there is the Lord the balm of Gilead;
John 16:29-33 NIV
[29] Then Jesus’ disciples said, “Now you are speaking clearly and without figures of speech. [30] Now we can see that you know all things and that you do not even need to have anyone ask you questions. This makes us believe that you came from God.” [31] “Do you now believe?” Jesus replied. [32] “A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. [33] “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
I stand up, my heart resolute, my mind calm and my spirit at peace. As Job once said of the Lord;
Job 42:1-6 NIV
[1] Then Job replied to the Lord: [2] “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. [3] You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. [4] “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ [5] My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. [6] Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.”
Jesús, a través de todo, esta es mi carta para ti. Mi mamá venció este mundo. Gracias por permitirme contemplar tu gloria en esta temporada. Y gracias por permitirle descansar en la seguridad de la herencia de la gloria eterna que se encuentra en ti. Sé alabado y exaltado ahora y por los siglos de los siglos. Amén.
Return to your rest, my soul. The Lord has been good to you.
Gracias,
Paul Adero✨