The upper room at Bethesda Baptist church is a multipurpose one as wide and varied as the uses therein are, so too are the conversations its walls hear. On Saturday it serves as the venue for the young professional’s Bible study I belong to. Much heated discussion arise on the said day. A fiery concoction of passion, bravado and a few sweet words albeit hushed, are heard on this day. On Thursday it hosts the young couple’s ministry of which I am also part. On Sunday it becomes the visitors’ lounge.
I, however, got to know about it because of its use on Friday evenings three years ago. Upper room is neither upper, as it is on the church’s ground floor nor is it a room; more of a hall than anything else. However, it has hosted countless life changing and critical conversations especially in our Friday meetings.
I joined the 318 club three years ago after attending the men’s monthly breakfast. This is based off of Abraham’s 318 men army. I was a young student then, trying to find community and some purpose for my life as I navigated life in college. The pastor mentioned that the club meets weekly for twelve weeks to encourage healing, maturity, growth and integrity in matters sexuality for men. I signed up rather curious and determined to stick through the course.
On our first meeting a handful of us were seated by the hour, at six. Visibly anxious and uncomfortable by both the sensitivity of the matter at hand and the fear of the unknown. It was a mixed crop consisting of us young college students, the rather older men and all in between. An unseen boundary separated the various age groups quite clearly as each stuck to themselves. This line faded as the days went on.
Our first session gave us the reality of brokenness in our sexuality. As the world came tumbling down in Genesis 3 after the cosmic betrayal by Adam and Eve it carried in its wake far reaching consequences. Sin has corrupted the world and our sexuality is not spared. As such everyone has an aspect of brokenness in terms of their sexuality. A propensity to sin in this area and to falter. This was a new realization for me.
Session two encouraged us to consider the cross of Christ as the solution to the fall and all the effects thereof. That as far reaching and all sweeping as sins’ effects are, much more potent is the work of the gospel. That Jesus in His redeeming love would have our sins healed by His sacrifice and power, our broken sexuality notwithstanding. I left the room feeling exhilarated by the prospect of walking the tight rope of sexual purity with great divine help. I felt unburdened by what I had heard. Was there a chance for a guy like me? Indeed there was.
The third session was a contemplative one. The session was led by a counsellor who passed around self-reflective questionnaires. With very intimate questions, we were encouraged to go down memory lane and record many personal findings. It was an intense session as all of us carefully and very silently filled out the questions. The Holy Spirit brought to the surface many long forgotten hurts and aches and sins and offenses in this area. I wrote and suddenly felt the burden I had felt roll away a few weeks previously come back on my shoulder. I ached within and was filled with trepidation. I was appalled to get a glimpse of the magnitude of my sin.
In his closing remarks that day the pastor said, “If you were a million times worse than you currently think you are, Christ would still have died for you and helped you. Take one glance at yourself as you have in the exercise today and shudder. However, shift your gaze to Christ after that and let it remain on Him. Fix your eyes on Jesus who is able to save you to the uttermost. One glance at yourself, a thousand at Jesus!” With that, hope came crashing over me like a wave and I prayed.
The next session involved confessing our sins out loud in small groups. The groups were of three to four guys. We each got to share our failings in the matter of our sin. It was the most difficult session. That evening was however the longest we had of all. Tears flowed freely, voices broke, and men comforted each other as the devil was put to shame. The light broke through the darkness of secret sin and all manner of evil patterns of sin. We prayed very sincere prayers for each other, with each other to our God. It was raw and fulfilling.
The remaining sessions were focused around the small groups we had confessed our sins in. They aimed at training us to be responsible over ourselves and our friends. To keep each other company along the path of long obedience in the same direction! They were exhilarating weeks as we built trust and camaraderie.
Today, I look back and l am undone by what God is able to do. He is faithful.
KAMAU NDICHU
NOTE FROM WRITER: This is majorly a work of fiction . However my message is true and I throw all my weight behind it.