There is this ill in medical school – the strongly held belief that passing one’s IMed clinical assessments heavily depends on the consultant who examines you.
When asking about a colleague’s experience, we are often interested in knowing who their examiner was. We joke about how one’s odds go down, no matter how well-prepared they are or how easy their case is, if they end up in the hands of one of the so-called mean consultants. We pray earnestly for God, in His kindness, to spare us such terrible ordeals and to grant us the privilege of being examined by the kind and more lenient ones. And He does – at least sometimes.
Twenty-four days ago was the day everything changed. I had tried to do a pretty good job clerking and examining during my EOY assessment and was determined to do an awesome job presenting as well. My hopes were dashed the moment I stepped outside the ward, only to see Dr O and Prof J walking towards us. One of my classmates gasped out loud. No one said it, but we all felt doomed.
We followed a registrar to the nursing station. We were all in a frenzy trying to tailor our histories according to the likings of the two consultants. Dr O smiled slyly as he walked past us and to the other group. Prof J walked away from us and into a different ward. I was partly relieved. It almost felt like I had escaped the jaws of death. Maybe I still stood a chance.
The registrar told us to stay put as neither of our assigned examiners had arrived. Our hearts were in our mouths as we asked to know who they were. Turns out we weren’t out of the woods yet. I remember thinking that if I ended up with the first, it automatically meant I’d do very well. If with the second, well, there was a pretty good chance I wouldn’t make it. I shuddered at that second thought.
It so happened that they both got very late so we had about an hour or two just roaming around as we waited. I’d like to think that we were all going through the five stages of grief. At least I know I was.
It was then that I started introspecting, particularly about some remarks I made carelessly after my Surgery assessment whenever prompted… “I got Dr S. His specialty is Ortho… He didn’t really listen or grill me much… He’s known to be generous in awarding marks… I’m definitely going to do well.”
What did I even mean by that? Didn’t this imply that I had rested the weight of my hopes in man? That I thought of man as being so powerful as to determine the outcome – whether I pass or fail? What really was the foundation of my hope, if not in getting a favorable examiner who gives marks generously?
If my trust was truly in God, why was I in so much distress when I thought I’d be examined by Dr O or Prof J? Why was I already in despair when I considered the possibility of landing in Prof C’s hands and not Dr K’s? Sure, they have real influence, no doubt about that. But does that mean they have the final say? Aren’t they just mere men? Aren’t they all under God’s sovereign rule?
I had a moment of repentance right there, and I asked God to help me trust in Him alone. I prayed that I’d be able to rest in the assurance that the ultimate outcome lay not in the hands of men, but of God, and to be content with whatever lot He assigned me.
By this time, both consultants had arrived, and there was quite a scene as three of my group mates literally ran across the corridor so they could get Dr K. The registrars had the rest of us cast lots to determine the order we’d use, to avoid another frenzy and ensure fairness.
A part of me still hoped that by some miracle Dr K’s door would open first when it was my turn… The other had the quiet assurance that it is God who determines my lot, and that whatever He chose for me would still be for my good. I suppose you can guess the rest of the story…
It was after much sighing and tears that day that the inspiration for this piece was birthed. These priceless truths brought me much peace and comfort… My God alone is King. Only He is sovereign. Only He has the final say. He alone is King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, to whom belongs glory and honor for ever.
I know these are scary statements to make before results are released, but I will hold on to them because they are true. This is not to negate the realities of the terrible ordeals we undergo in the hands of these examiners (I personally wept till my eyes grew sore ), but to remind us that even so, it is God who holds our lot. I would not have chosen this myself, but I can trust that God is sovereign over all, and His plan for me is good.
If all goes south and I don’t pass, it will not ultimately be because Prof C examined me, but because that was the lot assigned to me by God, and He does all things well.
If by some miracle I actually pass, it will not ultimately be because I did such an amazing job or because of how smart I am (I don’t even believe those two things), it will be because that was the lot assigned to me by God, and He does all things well.
To bring it all home, consider this passage in Daniel 1:1-2 (NIV)…
In the third year of the reign of Jehoiakim king of Judah, Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon came to Jerusalem and besieged it. And the Lord delivered Jehoiakim king of Judah into his hand, along with some of the articles from the temple of God. These he carried off to the temple of his god in Babylonia and put in the treasure-house of his god.
To the outside eye, it may have seemed that God had, in a sense, lost to king Nebuchadnezzar…The king of God’s chosen people had been captured, Jerusalem had been besieged, and the articles from God’s temple had been carried off to the treasure-house of the god of Babylonia… But a closer look reveals that this was not outside God’s sovereign purpose. He Himself delivered the king of Judah into Nebuchadnezzar’s hand, and that not by accident.
Consider also Gideon’s war against the Midianites. Or Jehoshaphat’s battle against the Moabites and Ammonites. If it were about human odds, the Israelites stood no chance. But because our King is not One to be limited by such odds, they still defeated their adversaries, and that in rather unorthodox ways.
Nothing can thwart God’s purpose. No man can stand in His way. If for some reason He does not grant you the victory you hope for, remember to trust Him. Trust that His way is best. Trust that your times are in His hands. Trust that He has ordered all things for your good.
In Spurgeon’s words, had any other condition been better for you than the one in which you are, divine love would have put you there. Rest contentedly in His plan, for He does all things well.
With love ( ◜‿◝ )♡,
Your fellow young medic.
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