WHAT THEN IS EMPATHY?🥺

EMPTINESS✨THE OXYMORONIC YET BEAUTIFUL SYNERGY OF EMPATHY✨

I find it quite fitting to be the one writing this piece. This message was dropped to me during one of my dear acquaintances’ memorial who died recently (May God rest his soul) and a recurring theme during that moment was the fact that people were standing together in solidarity and empathy to the bereaved family. I didn’t manage to attend the memorial out of my own unintentionality. (A facet I have been aggressively working on especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships) However, that evening in my bed, my heart stirred deeply this question…. What really is empathy?

In lay-man/societal terms, we define empathy as “fitting into each other’s shoes”. And while that sounds “politically correct” one can’t help but question a few facets of that;
•What shoes are we talking about?
•Can you really REALLY fit into the other man’s shoes?
Because another thing that we love saying amongst our ubiquitous conversations is “You don’t really understand a situation until you are actually there”. Which I agree. No amount of intellectual prowess, religious/spiritual catechistic conceptualization or emotional coaching can prepare you for the ACTUAL experience that is the daily turmoil of life. You just HAVE to be there to see when rubber meets the road, who are you? So then again, I ask this tenuous question, “What truly is empathy?”

The beauty of God’s word is that even in the mundane and seemingly unglazed areas of life, He provides answers in the nitty-gritties.

One of my favorite childhood stories was the story of Lazarus and for a myriad of reasons; It won me a lot of Bible verse trivias in Sunday school (Watu wa Jesus wept hoyee😆). Also because I kept asking myself as a child, “Why did Jesus weep?” Ironically enough, for almost 13 years I never really found a good enough answer for it. Yes, Jesus was being empathetic, but wasn’t he all-knowing?? Did he really have to or was he just being a little dramatic?? If you ask my 13-year-old self, I’d begrudgingly say the latter (Begrudgingly because I was afraid that the Lord would strike me with fire for even thinking that about him. We really thank the Lord for grace🙂‍↕️).

First in this story of Lazarus, we notice Jesus’ omniscience come in full display;
John 11:11 NIV
“After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.” So what we see here is a man who is confident about Lazarus’ state and the outcome. And he shows it in later portions of scripture;

John 11:21-26.
[21] “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. [22] But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” [23] Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” [24] Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” [25] Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; [26] and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

However, as you move from verse 26; Something about Jesus seems to change;
John 11:32-34. [32] When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” [33] When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. [34] “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied.

This is Jesus, the man who knew Lazarus was dead waaay before Mary and Martha could see it manifest in the physical realm. The one who KNEW the outcome from the moment he heard the news of the sickness a week beforehand. What do you mean “He asked where he lay”?? If he knew that Lazarus was dead and knew he would be raised to life, why would he be asking something seemingly obvious as the location of the tomb?? A seemingly insignificant detail in the whole series of events since he has done miracles without physically showing up to the recipients of the said miracle? It seems I am not the only person who thought that, in verse 37 there were other people thinking of that:
John 11:37 NIV [37] But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?”
If I were Them in this situation without the benefit of hindsight I most probably would’ve been one of the many people who are being highlighted in verse 37. However, I want us to look at three minor yet important details.

•Jesus saw the pain. Despite knowing the outcome of all this, Jesus allowed himself to see this pain the people were going through for losing Lazarus to allow himself to ACTUALLY feel what’s going on at the funeral site. Not in his head, but tangible experience of what the reality of this dire situation is.
•Jesus’ spirit was troubled. The spirit of God is ACTIVE in conviction of compassion. Jesus didn’t just “woishe woishe” or “sending hugs and prayers” his way out of what he saw. He let the spirit in him trouble him such that he did something actively profound;
•He emptied himself of the advantages of omniscience that he had so as to be in tune with the pain of the people around him. That question, “Where did you lay him” sounds so flat until you realize that Jesus KNEW where Lazarus lay. He could’ve taken himself there. One could argue that being a member of the trinity he was just as there as he was where he was when he was informed of Lazarus’ death and as such, needed no GPS to Lazarus’ grave to weep. And it made me remember a certain portion of scripture;

Philippians 2:5-7 NIV
[5] In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: [6] Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; [7] rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

In this portion of scripture we see how Jesus emptied himself to servanthood, to human-likeness though he was fully God, fully divine. I’d love us at this point to meditate as to what it means for him to have done that in this context. Jesus, despite being all knowing, empties himself at that specific moment. In one seemingly innocent question, he highlights a very important aspect of him emptying himself; his willingness to take up the understanding of the full human state of “uncertainty” in order to fully immerse himself in the emotions of his children. As such Jesus being a high priest of human kind is highly justified because not only did he experience every human emotion known to man, He EMPTIED himself of the advantages of his divinity to do so to the fullest capacity. Who else can do that like he does?

Now, we already know the outcome of this story and that was not the focus of this text. I draw us back to the question, what then is empathy??:
1.It is actively/proverbially taking yourself to see the pain of the subject of empathy. Until you allow yourself to see and actively participate in the experience the pain of your neighbor, then how will you know what the spirit wants you to balm in his/her soul. And yes, we live in a world where people are becoming apathetic every day, a thing that even we believers have sadly fallen victim to on one occasion or the other. And yes, taking up your neighbor’s pain is scary. But if Jesus, the all-knowing King who could alter reality with his mere presence alone chose that hard and scary road, then who are we mortal humans to do any different??

2.Sit in that pain long enough to hear the Spirit of God stir the need of proactivity to your neighbor in pain. Most times when we see our neighbors in pain we tend to do the usual; reach out, send a sympathy text, maybe a bible text and a promise to pray for the person (That sometimes we don’t do) and subconsciously forget about it or rinse recycle and repeat when it’s brought to our memory. But then again it raises the question, have you asked them what they REALLY need?? Because while prayer and scripture is important (It’s very important btw) notice that even Jesus, the very word of God in that moment, allowed himself to sit there long enough to feel the spirit stir in him the need and place to touch. So before you send that “You’re welcome” text after the person has shown gratitude for your prayers, Sit down there a little. Ask the Lord, “What are you stirring in my spirit that is relevant for this moment for my neighbor in pain?” because anything less than that is self-serving, and in the eyes of our master, anything done out of self-service is mere noise to him.

3.A very important aspect that is the core of this text. Empty yourself my dear brother and sister in Christ, I beseech you. Regardless of the number of times you’ve gone through this. Regardless of the experience you’ve had for yourself. Regardless of the many testimonies you have concerning your brother/sister’s situation. Regardless of the thesaurus of bible verses you have for that moment. Empty yourself. I can even dare say make yourself “foolish” if it means creating capacity to bear your brother’s burden. For if your feet are laden with the weight of your personal experience in that moment, how then would you fit into your neighbors shoes in their pain? A very simple but powerful statement that works for me in establishing empathy with a neighbor in pain;

“I don’t know what it feels to be you right now. I don’t care if I’ve gone through the same. It doesn’t come close to what you are going through. And I am lost as much as you are in knowing what I can do for you as my neighbor and friend. But I am willing to learn. I am willing to be a student of your grief from the very bottom to where the Lord will take us. I only ask one thing, let me in so we figure this out together. Because that is all I have come to do with and for you.”

It takes a lot of strength and vulnerability to admit such. But the Genesis of great knowledge is the acknowledgment of personal emptiness and dare I say “stupidity”. Because then do you get a drive to do more and be better equipped to add to your empty vessel.

Empty yourself of your shoes. Only then can you expressly fit into your neighbors. That is My definition of empathy.

Adios;
Paul Adero Omondi.
Level V MBChB.