Lord Jesus,
It has been a difficult time, I confess. The wind’s been blowing hard, the storm’s been raging, the waves have been overwhelming me. I have tried to keep afloat despite the chaos… I have tried to remain steadfast in You… I have tried to keep believing even when doubts flooded my troubled mind and weary heart. Many are the times I thought I would sink, and I cried to You for help. Patiently I waited for You, hoping You’d lift me out of these waters, and set my feet on steady ground. Try as I did, I couldn’t hear You respond to my cries. All I heard was the sound of the waves as they threatened to close in on me…the roar of the mighty waters as they scared away the last ounce of courage in me.
So there I was…broken, helpless, fearful, faithless, lonely and dejected. I tried to send an SOS, hoping that at least one of my friends would get the hint…that one of them would hear my silence and come to my rescue. Regrettably, none of these happened, so I remained in that dreadful state ~ shattered. Wasn’t my silence loud enough? Weren’t my efforts to self-isolate enough hints that I needed company? Someone to sit next to me in my silence? Someone to lean on when the weight of my cares threatened to pull me under and tear me apart? Why wasn’t anyone listening?
The darkness all around me quickly closed in on me. Matter of fact I became one with it, and it with me. Like David’s soul was knit to Jonathan’s, so it was with us ~ darkness became my closest friend. In the darkness, many voices loomed. They tormented my already weary soul and took away my will to live. In time, I was frantically looking for ways to put an end to it all. They said I was worthless…that I didn’t deserve to live…that I was unworthy and unloved…that I was weak and defenseless. Each time these voices got louder, I sank deeper and deeper…got more and more frustrated, and the little hope I had left grew dimmer and dimmer.
It was then that I decided to cry out to You one last time…maybe this time, You would finally respond. In my distress I called to the LORD; I called out to my God. From His temple He heard my voice; my cry came to His ears. Amidst my sobs, there it was ~ Your Whisper. I heard Your Whisper amid such great turmoil, such deep darkness. I had hoped for something more…dramatic? Powerful? Majestic? Thunderous? Only You know how many of these whispers I had missed because I anticipated something grand.
So there I was…completely overwhelmed by the Peace You spoke over me. The other voices no longer had a hold on me to torment me, for Your peace was a guard over my heart and mind. After the Whisper of Peace, You spoke yet again. This time, it was a Whisper of Hope. For a moment there, I had completely lost sight of Your unchanging nature ~ Your steadfast love, Your mercies and Your faithfulness. Slowly I began to remind my soul of these things, and the darkness all around me began giving way for Your Light to shine. A familiar passage comes to mind and lightens up my countenance:
Yet this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for His compassions NEVER fail.
They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.
I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.’
So now, dear Jesus…
My heart is full of gratitude. You may not have brought me immediate relief in some dramatic way, but You have been with me, even here. The darkness has not kept me from You. Your gentle whispers have been a constant reminder of Your love, Your goodness, Your faithfulness, and most of all ~ Your presence here with me. I am not alone. You are ALWAYS with me, EVER present. The darkness has not closed in on me. The floodwaters have not engulfed me. The depths have not swallowed me up. The pit has not closed its mouth over me.
I’m grateful for these Whispers Lord. Soft and gentle, yet it’s because of them that I’m still here. If I ever have to walk through such a dark valley again, may I always hear these gentle Whispers. May they light up my soul and warm up my heart. May they usher in Your Light, Your Peace, Your Love and Your Joy in my heart…throwing out the doubts, the lies, the despair, the despondency, the darkness…everything that does not come from You.
Even now the storm rages. The waters roar and foam. The mountains tremble with every new surge. I’m tempted to lose heart once again, but I’m reminded that it’s not so much about You calming the storm… I’m reminded that You are more concerned about what You’re doing in me ~ that maybe You ordained this very storm to draw me closer to You.
You rule over the surging sea; when its waves mount up, You still them. Whether You choose to still the storm within, or the one without, or both, I will wait patiently for You. I will not harbor resentment towards You. I will love You all the more. I will let my soul cry out in adoration of You. I will serve You with all my heart. I will let my heart sing Your praises. I will not be silent.
Even now I hear Your Whisper,
“Peace, Be Still!’’ and my heart responds,
“I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.’’
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Sheba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.”
~ Isaiah 43:2-3 ~
With love,
( ◜‿◝ ).